Nuggets of Wisdom

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For heaven’s sake, who ever said “ignorance is bliss”? Well, actually, we know who wrote it. But did he realize the once thoughtful proverb would become so cliché? It comes from the poem, Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College (1742) by English poet Thomas Gray. The full line makes it even more interesting: “Where ignorance is bliss, ’tis folly to be wise.”  Who would want to be wise if ignorance is bliss?

As a pseudo-intellectual, pompous citizen, I’ve uttered the words, “ignorance is bliss” many times in my life. Most of the time, I was quite proud of my wise application of the proverb. But let’s face it, that old proverb can fit many of life’s situations. But even if it doesn’t, I’ll make it fit – anything to elevate my status as an erudite blogger. Did you catch that? I said erudite. When is the last time you wrote or spoke “erudite” in a sentence?

Doing the vast amount of research for this post, I ran across a line from another poem that I liked even better: Since knowledge is but sorrow’s spy, ‘Twere better not to know. Immediately, I noticed that this poem must be old. People just don’t say “twere” anymore. At least, I don’t. I think my great uncle Royal said it once when I was a kid. But that was in the ‘50′s and, at the time, I thought he was drunk and mispronouncing “three”. Regardless, it seemed like a cynical way of saying, “Ignorance is bliss.”

I was speaking to my brother Dennis the other day. As with most of our conversations, it was on an intellectual plane that few people would dare to aspire to. In any event, he was telling me about someone that we mutually disliked. He used the phrase, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Being somewhat confused, I sought clarification. He humiliated me by suggesting that anyone would know that he meant that as tongue in cheek. Now, I was really confused. My tongue is always by my cheek. However, I was too embarrassed to seek further explanation. Finally, he sensed the nervous twitch in my left nostril which, he knew since childhood, has always signified intellectual frustration. With his voice rising in annoyance, he said to me, “Don’t you get the nuances of my conversation? I really meant the opposite: familiarity breeds contemp.” By that time, I forgot what we were even talking about. All I knew is that I’d like to “nuance” him to Philadelphia – the city of brotherly love.
- Ron Nolette

Weeping May Endure For A Night,

But Joy Cometh In The Morning

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It has been a joy to have my mother at my home during these last few weeks. And it has been a sorrow to have my mother at my home the last few weeks. I want to see her and be with her every day but it’s hard to see her every day. I worry more and I worry less. Both sets of statements are true. Many of you who read these words will know exactly what I mean.

My mother is 94 years old. She is roughly 6 months younger than Grandma Reed was when she died in 1990. In many ways, my mother’s story is really not unique. What makes it remarkable is that she is my mother and she has lived a long, long time. She lost the only man she ever loved after 44 years of loving him. It was a deep, abiding, ever growing love that she shared with my father. She lost a son - before his time -  who had been her care giver for 6 years. “To have your child go before you is just not the way it’s supposed to be.” Didn’t we all hear Grandma Reed say words similar to this? Doesn’t every parent who loses a child say those words? To this day, my mother still hasn’t gotten over the loss of Douglas.

Not only did she lose her parents, Jennie Reed Nolette lost 8 siblings and many, many  aunts, uncles, cousins and other relatives. She is now outliving all of her contemporaries, friends, and church friends that she’s cherished so deeply – her friends in the Lord. They are gone; they have all gone to their reward. As I said, her story is not unique; it happens all the time to people who live very old.  But, it doesn’t matter, this story is one of sorrow, it is always heartbreaking, heart wrenching. To her, it seems like she’s outliving everybody and in most cases it’s true. So, it wouldn’t be unusual for her to feel that she’s ready to be with the Lord. Even the Apostle Paul indicated he was ready when he wrote, “For me to die is gain.”

My mother gave up her home, reluctantly, in 2003. Of necessity, she had to move 200 miles away from where she was raised and where she raised her family. In so doing, she lost a big part of her independence and she was relegated to the position of being told what to do – having her life managed. Unfortunately, if the Lord tarries, we will all have to face those same decisions:

Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” (John 21:18) NIV

25 years ago, I was taking a test in Bemidji to become a driver’s training instructor. It was a four hour essay test, the first of several before I could be licensed. During that test, held at one of the biggest DMVs in northern Minnesota, I could hear interviews and evaluations of senior citizens all afternoon from a nearby office. Drivers who had lost their licenses, for one reason or another, were being called in and evaluated for their competency to drive. Most were quite old. Invariably, the results were the same; the seniors were permanently losing their license. Through the narrow walls, I heard exclamations of anger or simply weeping and wailing. Even though I wasn’t yet 40 years old, I had great sympathy for these ex-drivers. I realized that it was just another low-light of old age and one more piece of their independence being taken away. Symbolically and realistically, the right to drive is an important part of our independence. Losing that right, signifies just one more piece of the whole being taken away. “. . . and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”

Sometimes, it seems, my mother is doing better but sometimes she seems to be doing worse. At this point, there is no physical reason why she can’t get better. Is she giving up? I don’t know. She claims she isn’t but actions speak louder than words. She doesn’t have interest in any of the things she used to like. She eats and drinks very little. She doesn’t read anymore and she used to read 12 hours/day. She sleeps or is in a state of nearly sleep 22 hours a day.

She still enjoys having the bible read to her and praying with me. I take that as a good sign. And mostly she still has a good outlook. Maybe after her physical ordeal of the last month, her body needs rest to recuperate. I hope and pray… To all her friends and loved ones, pray, PLEASE.

Ron Nolette
January 23, 2012

Joy

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When my mother was in and out of the hospital and nursing home over the last three and a half weeks, there were times when she got the blues. I and my family read the Bible to her and did her devotions with her but oftentimes to no avail. Although I never questioned her salvation, I did notice the joy of life slipping away. No wonder; it is only natural for anyone, especially a 94 year old to want to give up on life. The Apostle Paul himself stated in the first chapter of Philippians:

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.

Even though Paul wanted to leave this world and be with Christ, it was not up to him to choose. God needed him and his ministry. So it is with each one of us: only God determines when it’s time to go to our peace and reward. We must press on until God calls us home. It was within this context that I engaged in the following discussion with my mother regarding JOY.

What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 1:9 ESV)

Vanity of Vanities. If you read the first chapter of Ecclesiastes – indeed, the whole book – you are  struck by the melancholy tone of the book. The overlying theme of Ecclesiastes is the futility of life. “What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done…” Those aren’t particularly cheery words. Then complete the thought with the statement, “and there is nothing new under the sun.”

Despite the futility of those words, we can offset the gloom and doom of Ecclesiastes by remembering:

• Grace is in full force today

• Jesus is still Lord

• Salvation is still available for all

• The Peace of God continues to surpass all our understanding;

• Joy is still joy. Although we could make a very large list, I want to focus on joy.

In the age-old classic movie, The Wizard Of Oz, Dorothy’s three companions each had something they desperately wanted – they were going to the “all wise” Wizard to get what they needed.

1. The Scarecrow wanted a brain, he wanted to be smart.

2. The Tin Man wanted a heart, he felt he lacked feelings.

3. The Cowardly Lion was aware of his cowardice therefore he wanted courage.

As the movie unfolds, it eventually becomes clear to Dorothy and her companions that the “Great OZ” was a fake and a charlatan. There hopes were dashed; they would never get the qualities that they desperately sought. Yet even though the Wizard of Oz was exposed as a fraud, he had enough wisdom to show them they already had what they needed. He gave them tokens to symbolize what they already had:

1. The Scarecrow was given a diploma convincing him that he was smart.

2. The Tin Man was given a heart proving he had compassion.

3. The Cowardly Lion was given a medal, the symbol of courage.

And so it is with Christians, sometimes they just have to be reminded that they already have all they need to stand victorious in life. “Put on the full armor of God so that you may stand in that day.” Just like the Wizard Of Oz characters, Christians already have everything they need to stand victorious.

As a Christian, you’ve prayed the sinner’s prayer and you meant it with all of your heart. You’ve walked forward in a church professing your faith publically. You’ve been bought with a price. By faith, you have accepted God’s grace through the Lord Jesus. You’ve been born again. You are saved.  You’ve read and understand the Scriptures. You have not neglected the gathering of the Saints. You know you are going to heaven. You pray ceaselessly and you praise God continuously. You give your tithes and offerings to the ministries of the church, evangelists and teachers. But, by and by, you begin to miss something. That spark that was once there is only a memory.

Then someone points out to you that even though you are a Christian – a committed Christian no less – you have lost the joy you once had. Because of the trials and tribulations of this world, you have forgotten the joy and peace you once lived by.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23 ESV)

Joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit and as such, it plays a dominant part of our Christian walk. Look at these important verses that pertain to JOY:

For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favor is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. (Psalm 30:5)

These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. (John 15:11)

And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you. (John 16:22)

 And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full. (I John 1:4)

As important as all these verses are, we must always remember that we are “overcomers” through Jesus Christ our Lord. No matter what our affliction, what our sorrow, what our problem, he has already overcome them and He already has the remedy. “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations;” BECAUSE “Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.” (James 1:3)

Return to your roots and in so doing you will find “. . . your joy may be full.” (I John 4:4)

We Changed Our Mind . . .

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The following post describes 2 people – a husband and wife – making a very important decision. In this case, the decision is buying a house. Buying a house is sometimes the most important purchase of one’s life. However, that is one of the things that has changed – even over the course of my lifetime. There was a time when buying a house was a once in a lifetime experience. But now, even though home ownership and the buying and selling of multiple homes is more common, it is still a critical, tremendously important experience that is not to be taken lightly. In a recent experience, my wife and I, through flawed actions, made mistakes in judgement that adversely affected others and ourselves.

Not long ago, I wrote a post entitled Moving Again. The post detailed selling our home and buying another. The rambler that we were buying was perfect for someone like me. With my cerebellar ataxia, I couldn’t always navigate the stairs of our split entry home. The movers were reserved, we were all packed and the closing date was December 1st – last Thursday.

Days prior to closing, my wife began expressing doubts about our forthcoming move. As time went on, those doubts turned to regret for selling our house and buying another. We had successfully  convinced ourselves we liked the new home, or so we thought. Still, my wife was developing buyer’s remorse before the transaction was complete. On the other hand, we kept telling ourselves the house had some nice features: first floor laundry, a kitchen to die for, a four car garage, ranch style – everything on one level. Nevertheless, there were some things about it that we didn’t like at all. One of the biggest problems: it only had one bathroom. Secondly, there was no fence. Those two things alone would have cost us close to $8,000.

But there were other shortcomings as well. All of the appliances were old and who knew how long they would last. The kitchen stove was a “drop-in” stove, the price of which is at least twice the cost of a normal stove.

The bedrooms were all small as was typical of 1960′s ramblers. On the other hand, there were hardwood floors throughout. The floors, if refinished, would look beautiful. The living room, with it’s long rectangular shape, would lend itself well to a home theater arrangement. In the layout of our current living room, our 52″ LCD television overwhelms the room. There is not much versatility in arranging it.

In the end, however, that which Jill originally complained about – what eventually led us both to recant in our decision – was the size of the yard. Of all things, it was the tipping point in our decision to back out. Currently, we have nearly 2 acres and, initially, Jill felt due to our age and my disability, a big yard was something to avoid. But, riding lawnmowers and snow blowers take care of the brunt of that problem. And if that didn’t work, an ambitious neighborhood kid could take care of us. We simply came to the realization that we will never in our lifetime have another yard like ours. Sitting on the patio, looking out back, it almost seems like we are in a park. With a mixture of deciduous trees and conifers, we are sheltered from the world. We have no neighbors. Until I get to heaven, I want to live the rest of my days on my lot.

The Final Day Before Closing
On November 30, the day before closing, we worked solid, packing all day. Even David and Donna  spent the entire afternoon helping us pack.  By 11 o’clock at night, we quit. We decided to get up early to finish – we were nearly done.

As we tumbled into bed, we began to discuss the events that would take place the following day. The movers would call around 8AM and the closing was at noon. However, we began to talk – in earnest – about backing out! As a matter of fact, I couldn’t believe it; Jill was dead serious. I had never seen her like this; all she needed was a yes from me. I had no trouble stopping the closing because I never wanted to move in the first place. However, I wanted her to be absolutely sure; I did not want to put pressure on her. We agreed to sleep on it.

The next morning, the phone woke us up; it was the movers. As we looked at each other, she said the words – “we are cancelling the move.” First step. As Jill lay in bed, she said to me, “I’m going to wait until 8AM to call the realtor.” It was 7:15; we had 45 minutes to either regain our senses or rejoice in our boldness. Regardless, I was still picking my jaw off the floor.

We talked for the next half-hour or so. Personally, I felt at peace. Jill and I were on the same page completely. We were going to cancel the closing. A short while later, Jill called the realtor, who was acting as a dual agent, representing us and the buyer. (Warning to the reader: never have a dual agent, too much potential for conflict of interest. It just doesn’t work out.) The realtor kept saying to Jill, “I don’t know what to do, this has never happened before, no one has cancelled on the day of closing. The buyer is going to be so mad. The seller will be so upset.” On and on it went. Over the next few hours, Jill and I spent a lot of time on the phone – especially with the realtor.

During one of the phone calls with the realtor, the realtor announced that both the buyer and the seller (the house we were buying) were going to sue us. Beside that, it was unclear what her motives were. Would she sue us too? By mid afternoon, we had retained the services of a real estate attorney – someone who came highly recommended. By day’s end, it was clear that our 11th hour decision to back out was going to cost us more than chump change.

Since December 1st, the day we would have closed on our house, we have not regretted our decision to cancel – not even once. We did the right thing – for us. Certainly, we made enemies. But guess what, I would have been mad too. If I were buying a home and someone cancelled at the very last moment, I would have been very upset. Yet, as I told my wife, they are much younger than we are. There are a lot of houses out there and I’m sure they’ll find one they like. To say that we behaved in a less than professional manner and that we were wishy-washy is an understatement. I just hope that we have learned our lesson.